Allen Roland
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Allen Roland

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This reflection is entitled...



The only antidote for unworthiness and resentment
is Gratefulness .

Gratefulness is the opening to the magic kingdom
of soul consciousness.

And soul consciousness is, indeed, God's magic kingdom at the summit of our individual quest for wholeness.

And God only reveals himself to a grateful heart .

Let me share how I entered that sacred space.

Many years ago I had fallen in love with a young woman and was questioning our age difference.

Eve was a follower of a Sidda Guru and invited me to the Ashram in Oakland for a chanting service .

I was deeply touched by the video of the Guru's empowering message and shared that with Eve.

That night, during my sleep, I experienced a woman's hand deeply crossing my chest and I heard a voice saying " Open your heart , There are no but's or what if's with love "

It was not Eve's hand but I got the message . I completely opened my heart and Eve and I enjoyed a wonderful and fulfilling relationship before she moved to L.A.

It was a poignant letting go but we both knew it was time to let go and we let go from a place of love and joy.

Many months later I decided to visit the Ashram again and realized that the Guru had returned from India and was conducting a program .

As I drove to Oakland I realized that the hand that had crossed my heart that night was the Guru's hand for Eve had shared with me that she had personally asked the Guru to bring someone into her life to touch her heart.

After the program I approached the Guru and thanked her for touching my heart . But then I realized that I had not told her the whole story so I approached again and asked to speak to her .

From a place of deep gratefulness I shared my experience that night with Eve and thanked her and shared that I was now sharing with everyone from that same heartfelt place of love and joy within myself ~ that I had once shared with Eve.

She audibly gasped and handed me her own personal crystal that lay on a small table close to her side.

I accepted it and almost immediately downplayed the significance of the gift because of my own unworthiness.

However, after taking it to a jeweler and crystal reader I realized that I had been given a priceless gift that was centuries old.

That's when I had a dream that I was running away from someone and ducked into a doorway . Suddenly the guru appeared and laughingly told me that I was running away from myself and my own divinity and that I deserved that crystal . Only my own unworthiness was keeping me from accepting it.

That's when the tears of joy surfaced and I fully surrendered to them washing away years of resentment and anguish in the process and replacing them with profound feelings of worthiness and gratefulness.

It was then that I felt compelled to contact every person in my life that I had not personally thanked for being a gift in my life and did it from an open and joyful heart.

As such , my deep unworthiness and resentment was washed away by the power of gratefulness.

As I contacted each person I felt my heart opening and I began to see through different eyes ~ eyes no longer clouded by resentment and unworthiness but eyes fully open to the magnificence of the loving plan ~ the magic kingdom of soul consciousness.

And why did the Guru give me her most personal and prized possession ?

Because I gave her the gift of myself coming from joy and gratefulness.

Which is the biggest gift we can give anyone.

That crystal now lies on my office bookshelf as an obvious and constant daily reminder that ~

God only reveals himself to a grateful heart .


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Allen Roland, Ph.D
PO Box 4094
Antioch, California 94531, USA
Phone 707-935-1908
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