Allen Roland
Photo by Jennifer Morella
Allen Roland


Like a thick lead blanket Unworthiness eventually suffocates all love, joy, intention and purpose because of it's relentless self-negating message that "I don't deserve to be loved", "There must be something wrong with me" and "being myself is not enough".

Under this oppressive weight of unworthiness the tendency is to run away from, push away or disqualify the persons who love you or are closest to you - because deep inside you cannot accept being loved for just being yourself!

Usually the only person you can fully open your heart with is someone with the same, if not worse, unworthiness issues as you - then it's safe and each party will attempt to fill the other's emotional void. The problem is there is no way you can fill their emotional void or they fill yours - it is a dead end street emotionally! Like a self-fulfilling prophesy unworthiness will always lead us back to our original self-negating message until we finally embrace and love ourself!

SO HOW DO WE GET BEYOND UNWORTHINESS? Only by fully opening your heart will you come face to face with all the fears, guilt and unworthiness that stands in the way of fully loving and being fully loved. It is the ultimate YES to yourself!

I recently let go of a relationship with someone I deeply loved who had deep unworthiness issues that she was not aware of. This relationship brought me face to face with any left over fears, insecurity and unworthiness that kept me from fully opening my heart! I made the decision, early in the relationship, that I would not let any fear keep me from fully sharing with and loving her and I felt myself and my love expand as I lived up to this promise! Eventually she came face to face with her deep unworthiness and she could not accept being loved that deeply - using a myriad of reasons and excuses for withholding love. But the deep underlying reason was unworthiness.

This brought me face to face with my own worthiness issues such as "Did I deserve to be fully loved" and "Was I willing to settle for less than all of her". Great Love can both take hold and let go! I KNEW I deserved to be fully loved and in this instance - letting go was an act of great love and worthiness! I would not settle for less than all of her and I loved her enough to not let her settle for less than all of herself! By letting go from a place of joy and unconditional love I ended up fully embracing even more of myself as well as my capacity to deeply love and be loved! In other words, I TOOK HOLD from a place of deep love and LET GO from a place of even deeper love, embracing even more of myself in the process - which is, after all, the true intent of relationship!


  1. We all came from a place of love,joy and soul consciousness - regardless of whether we were wanted or later felt unloved or unseen.
  2. Only by fully surrendering to love can we face and go through the fears and unworthiness that keep us from truly being ourselves, being loved and able to fully love.
  3. You must be willing to LET GO if that person cannot or will not join you at that level. You deserve to be fully loved and you cannot fill anyone's emotional void - ONLY THEY CAN! GREAT LOVE CAN BOTH TAKE HOLD AND LET GO! UNTIL YOU LET GO YOU CANNOT GROW! If you can let go from a place of joy and unconditional love , you will fully embrace yourself and become one with source - as I have.

Only love truly heals and only love can lift the suffocating and burdensome blanket of unworthiness , that stifles all self-worth, because only love joins us to what is deepest within ourselves and the truth of these words by Teilhard de Chardin:

Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them for it alone takes them and joins them to what is deepest within themselves.



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